‘Sometimes you’ve just gotta look back at your past and smile at how far you’ve gotten.’
This has been an incredible week for me. Incredible. I don’t think I’ve ever been so proud of myself. It’s not because it’s December 15 and I ran 4 miles outside in shorts and a long sleeve t-shirt (okay, it’s like 58 here – but still!). It’s not the fact that I’ve pushed myself with my work outs this week and was able to accomplish tasks I didn’t think were possible. Or the fact that I didn’t eat any sweets at my work Christmas party and only ate carrots and a small sandwich. It’s not because I came to work on Monday even though I was supposed to have it off. Nope. Something huge happened this week. HUGE in my life.
This picture says it all.
I know, you are thinking, ‘Dude, What the heck?’ So I’ll tell you. I finally, after sometime, sold my wedding rings. Boy was it not what I expected. Back in November I finally got the courage to see if I could sell my rings. I had heard of a site called ‘I do.. Now I don’t.’ (which I absolutely loved the title.) they are basically a middle-man for selling these types of items. I had considered Craigslist and ebay. But neither one of them appealed to me. Quiet honestly, I think I put my rings on this site HOPING that no one would buy them. Well, I was wrong. I had been working a boy for the past week or so on details about the rings and what not. Finally, the rings were sold… Then it hit me, I would never see these rings again. They are only rings, right? Pieces of metal with some diamonds in them. Just like fork bracelet, my class rings… but no. These rings. They meant something to me. At one point, they meant everything to me. I remember looking down at my engagement ring and just smiling knowing that my life was perfect. I was going to be loved for the rest of my life. I’d never be alone. My life, was planned. I was good with it. I. Was. Happy. I. Was. One. Of. The. Lucky. Ones. But they aren’t just rings. They were so much more. Now they are a sign of broken promises, broken heart, disappointment, loneliness, and a remembrance of the person who I became (which I hated that girl), and biggest of all, failure. I had such a mix of emotions. I remembered the day I got engaged, the day I got married.. but I also remembered the day, I stopped wearing the engagement ring because the words he promised me, his actions never backed up. Then the day I finally took the wedding band off, because every time I looked at it, brought so much pain back. As I received the e-mail that stated ’ Congratulations, your rings were sold!’ All I could think of was ‘Oh crap. This really just happened.’ Everything those rings stood for has long been gone, but those rings were the symbol of the life I thought I wanted. Then someone, a good friend told me. ‘Sarah, think about where you would be if you had continued that life.’ That was the moment when it hit me. When I realized, letting go of all the drama, the pain, was exactly what I needed to do,
So Wednesday morning, first thing, I went to the Post Office. I said ‘Goodbye’ to not only the rings, but to that part of my life. I finally have a feeling of peace with myself. The person I am today would have never existed if I would have stayed in that relationship.
People often ask me about that time. I’m not bitter, I’m not angry, because what I have learned through all of this is that the person that is standing here today, would have NEVER NEVER come to light had I not been in the situation I was in. As crappy as it all was, I would do it over again to get to where I am today.
I have never been so proud of me. I think all to often we focus on where we are going in life and sometimes forget to stop for a minute and look at how far we’ve come. It’s like on my run today, I was like ‘OMG, I still have at least a mile to go.’ Then I realize, ‘Yo, you’ve already run 3, you got this.’ I smiled. It’s okay to look back and see your progress, as long as you don’t live in the past. It’s a good reminder.
To top all of this off, with the sale of my rings, I should be out of my consumer debt by July. I’m still stunned that I’ve been able to do it on my own (and by on my own, I mean with the help of two incredible friends that have made me accountable for my spending). It will be my brand new start financially. I. Can’t. Wait.
So for today, it’s good to be. And I've never been so proud.
Take it easy.